What you ordered, What you got

Of recent, I’ve been all ‘epiphany moment’, ‘realization came upon me’ and all that. Today, we’re changing the narration, and moving to inspiration. And this inspiration occurred in the kitchen, while washing dishes (who knew chores could produce creative results? LOL).

The thought came.

“...we’re saying people, men especially, don’t know ‘No means No’, so boy mums are teaching their sons the importance of respecting boundaries, while responsible men are trying to respect women’s choices.

In the same vein, women, most times, want to throw men (mostly their significant others) on a wild chase. ‘He should know what he did wrong’, ‘he should be able to know what I’m thinking’, ‘he should this and that’.

Now, there’s a conflict.

If the man in question is one of the few who’s being retrained and working towards being a gentleman, you would automatically believe he doesn’t care about you the way you thought, because, of course, you said you needed boundaries and he gave you boundaries.

What you ordered, what you got!”

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That’s the inspiration. Or, is it another realization? Pft! At this point, whichever fits the narrative, but we get the gist.

Trust me, I’m also a culprit. In my logical state, that doesn’t make sense. You’re an adult, you should say what you want and stand by it.

But what if you’re just hoping the other party truly figures it out? Because that’s what would make you feel they’re putting in the effort in your relationship — the effort to truly know you.

It’s tricky.

…being overly expressive can make you feel like you’re giving away too much, and there’s nothing left for the other person to discover - like you’re giving yourself out on a platter, and somewhere in your mind, they really should make an effort to know the reason behind your ‘no.’

Well, not so tricky.

Maybe sometimes, it’s just your insecurities telling you that being pursued is proof of being wanted.

Because really, a gentleman would let you be once you give a ‘no’, because a no should remain a no. (Or, won’t he?)

I believe you get the gist from the write-up?

‘Cos even I don’t.

Are we to stay overly expressive and risk feeling like we’ve given too much of ourselves away?

Or expect them to keep pressing, disregarding our boundaries?

Or press a little, to make us feel wanted?

Wanting someone to understand you deeply is not the same as wanting them to disregard your boundaries, right?

Lol.

Maybe we just need therapy 😂

Love,

Iyanuoluwa Araba.